Making Progress

Things are going really well.  I am surprised at my dedication this time around, but I am even more surprised at my feelings of disappointment.
As I continue on this journey, I am constantly thinking of where I was just a short time ago.  It is frustrating to me that I am losing the same weight over and over again.  In January I had finally fallen below 140, and I was feeling pretty good.  As I sit here at 146 pounds and dropping, I tell myself that I should not be celebrating these daily losses because it feels like I am celebrating my weight gains as well.  I realize that this is not a healthy attitude, and I am working on changing my stinkin' thinkin' one day at a time.
My diet has fully evolved.  I am eating 4-6 meals every day, and each of these meals contain some carbs and protein.  I also eat one cup of fruit, drink eight glasses of water, and eat three cups of veggies (when I can choke them down).

Day 9
145.4

Smart Choices

Yesterday ended pretty well.  I decided that man (or woman) cannot live on shakes and bars alone, so I added in a couple of new foods.  I am taking it slow because I can get a bit carried away if I allow myself to.
My day consisted of a protein shake for breakfast, protein bar for snack, cottage cheese and blueberries for lunch, chicken fajitas and steamed broccoli for dinner, and then another protein bar for a snack after dinner.  I'm eating a meal approximately every three hours.
Don't ask me why, but I was ravenous all day yesterday.  Perhaps upping the water consumption will help.
The scale was kind to me, again, this morning.  I was worried because I sauteed the chicken and red bell pepper in olive oil.  I normally use Pam for everything.  I also used seasoning salt on the chicken which tends to make me retain water.  I'm happy to see that adding the sodium and small amount of olive oil didn't send me over the edge.
Another change I have made is to eliminate diet soda.  We'll see how long I last drinking water only.
Yay!

Day 3
146.8

Change Please?

I realize that this is only day two of my re-start, but I would swear that I see some changes already.  Perhaps this is due to the fact that I didn't stuff myself with garbage yesterday.  Hmmm.
Before I started, yesterday, I noticed that I was actually sporting a gut.  Me.  A GUT!  My flat stomach has been the only part of my body that I have truly never hated.  I may have a big butt, flabby thighs and aging skin, but at least I had a flat stomach.  As a rule, I try to avoid all mirrors.  I saw myself this week, and saw that I was growing a pregnancy belly, and there's no way I'm pregnant.  I guess this is what propelled me into my current action phase.  Whatever works, right?
On top of all of this, I have started to become very self conscious whenever my husband compliments me or even wants to touch me.  I know he is sincere.  The problem is that I have grown to dislike my physical self so much that I can't understand how he could be attracted to me.  This is something that I need to work on right now as I know this is an unhealthy and destructive attitude.
I guess I should set some goals.  I will ponder this today and see where I want to be.  For today I am just happy to see a change on the scale and in the mirror.
On a side note, we went to the movies last night.  This is frightening because I have a popcorn addiction.  I took a bottle of water with me and a protein bar.  It was great!  I didn't even feel the slightest temptation to cheat.  Maybe I am finally ready for some change.

Day 2
Weight 147.2

Back on the Wagon

I am so frustrated with myself lately.  I have been feeling unmotivated, unattractive, uninspired and just plain FAT.
This past week I hit an all time high (non-pregnancy) weight.  Gasp!  In light of this completely understandable misfortune, I have decided to stop hanging out at the doughnut shop.  It's not just the doughnuts that are contributing to my weight.  It's eating out in general.  I leave the house with great intentions, but put me in front of the glowing menu board at any drive-thru and I lose all self control.  In addition to the eating out problem, I appear to have a lot of food addictions/trigger foods that send me over the edge.  I will seriously make up excuses to see a crummy movie just to get my hands on some buttery popcorn.  After ingesting this tantalizing treat, I will fall off the wagon for days as I crave everything sweet and fried.
I really don't want to be a fat mom or a fat wife, but I'll have to talk more about that tomorrow.  It's late, and I'm hungry.
So here's the deal.  Today I have limited myself to just the basics.  Protein shakes, protein bars and water are all I've eaten today.  I know that is not smart, but I ran out of grocery money because we spent it all on fast food.  How sad is that?  I guess my thinking is that if I can avoid all of my trigger foods for a few days that I will have more willpower.  We shall see.
My sister-in-law has a blog where she actually posts a daily photo.  I love this idea, and I may start doing it as well.  For now I will just say that I have my boxing gloves on.  I'm ready to battle this weight thing.

Day 1
Weight 149 (and some change)